That’s Malayalam for “Aren’t you my dear child? You’re my sweetie pie, no?” Ever since childhood days, I’ve been hearing these words from my parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts.. Flattering.. Very flattering.. All through school you’re pampered like crazy. Even now when I’m 23 I hear my mum say it over the phone as a conversation-closer, “I’m old enough to get married, mummy!” :P Well, I took these flattering words to heart and they’ve worked like a double-edged sword on me.
I fondly remember the love my father showered on us, the most precious in his eyes. Even as I write this my heart is full of fond memories of those days. Even today his love remains the same. I’m ever grateful. He makes me feel like I’m a queen, born to take over the world. And I’m sure every parent does that.
But on the other hand, this lavish expression of affection towards us kids has this fallout. Every failure that comes your way disappoints you more than it should. A rejection makes you feel like an outcast. You give up even before the battle has begun.
Of course life has its own way of shaking you out of your dreams, your misconceptions. And in those times, you wish you weren’t showered so much love. You wish you were brought up the hard way. You wish you had tasted poverty, defeat, struggle earlier on. But, that is the very beauty of life! Just like there’s no one else who looks like you on earth (Yes, doppelgangers are myths :) ), a different picture is painted with each life..
‘Tis that first quarter of the financial year and I call it the “love” quarter. With people updating their status from “Single” to “It’s complicated”, and all your crushes getting married (okay, there should be an upper limit on crushes one can have !!), and in some cases folks at home decide it’s time to marry their son/daughter away..
Well, with all this love in the air, I’m sure a lot of single folks want something to laugh about, or better still laugh AT all of this! Uncle Cyrus Broacha comes to the rescue..
So week on week people write in to him with all sorts of relationship problems and he offers some serious no-nonsense advice. With the kind of stuff people are facing in their life, read on with a pinch khus-khus on those Piri Piri fries! Great combination, I tell you..
Mr. Santosh wrote -
“I am 33 and I have had a crush on a colleague for the last four years. Three years ago, I offered to marry her, but she refused, saying she is Kannada and I am Malayali. We have been friends since then. While coming to work, she always commutes with another colleague who is also my good friend. Last year she told me she’s getting married and to keep this news to myself. Recently, a third colleague saw her putting her hand on the shoulder of this friend of mine. When asked, she said she was feeling giddy. Last weekend, my colleagues again saw her talking to my friend in a corner, like a couple. When I again asked her, she gave me excuses. Now my friend has stopped talking to me. After the incident I’m feeling cheated and I don’t even eat properly. My mom and cousin’s wife know about this. Please help.”
Uncle Cyrus replied -
“Santosh, there are too many people involved in your question. It’s made me feel giddy. And thanks to your question I’m on painkillers. Suffice to say, when a woman says she’s feeling giddy, it could mean many things, like for instance she’s mad over that particular boy and he makes her feel giddy. Madonna wrote about this in her song ‘Like a virgin…’ or was it ‘Papa don’t preach…’ I can’t quite remember. But let me assure you . Madonna used to make me feel giddy. In all probabilty, she likes this guy, so face up to it, and for God’s sake start eating or you will feel giddy.”
So go ahead, treat yourself to a day of crappy advices given to people with crappier love problems.. Here..
P.S.: There’s a fake Cyrus doing the rounds of twitter timelines. But, all he does is retweet other-people’s jokes. Even Omar Abdullah got tricked into believing it’s him. Show some originality, fake Cyrus.. Learn from Satan Bhagat!